Yesterday was exactly my one week in Munich. The weather was sunny for the whole one week that I was here – and according to the locals, it is an unusual weather for Autumn. According to my friend who picked me up from the airport, and with whom I am staying with – it is my welcoming present from Munich. So sweet !
I started work in the university this Monday, and met with my colleagues who will also be working in the building and clean rooms and laboratories. They were nice and friendly enough. However, most of the time they were speaking German to each other so I just sat there like….one of the furniture. A chair maybe.
So there were several occasions that I thought to myself : Maybe my mom and grandma are right, maybe this place is not for me. To go to a place where I don’t know anyone, without a real job, without speaking the language, with a completely different weather.
I thought to myself, maybe I don’t belong here. I am after all an Ausländer, who doesn’t even understand what other people are saying.
I was having this thought when I was in a meeting (where everyone is speaking German and me as a chair). When all of a sudden, a thought (or maybe it was more like a voice that spoke) passed through my head: You are the one who wanted to come here, you have come this far and you have two choices – either to tough it out and learn the language to remove myself from the furniture status, or to go back to my comfort zone where everyone speaks the language I know.
In that instant I made my choice.
I am so lucky to have the opportunity to come here. I am so lucky for all the coincidences that aligned to get me to where I am right now. And when I think of all those turning-point-moments that something else could have happened instead of what actually happened, I feel grateful for it. I couldn’t see the big picture yet, but for now I am happy.
Does future sadness negates the current happiness? No. I don’t think so.
So, I make a promise to myself: Instead of worrying about whether this or that decision might bring sadness or pain, I should believe in myself, and not look back with regret.
And more importantly, when I am happy, I will BE happy. And not worry about how this current happiness might change into sadness.
Dear reader(s), I hope you can be too.